The Eleven LifeTraps

by Jeffrey E. Young, Ph.D.

Lifetraps begin when our parents or others stronger than
ourselves repeatedly mistreat us in some way.
We become emotionally accustomed to the situations,
no matter how unsatisfactory they may be. then, as
adults, we continue to create similar situations
because that is all we know.

1)Vulnerability. Do you live in fear that
disaster-whether natural,criminal, medical,
or financial-is about to strike? Do you tend
to exaggerate the danger in everyday situations?
A a child, you were probably overprotected by
parents who constantly warned you about dangers.

2)Defectiveness. Do you feel flawed-like there is
something wrong with you? This is found in those
who were constantly criticized as children and never
given respect. As adults they still expect rejection
and, therefore fear love.

3)Subjugation. Do you sacrifice your needs and desires
in favor of other people's needs for fear that they
will reject you or because you will feel guilty
if you please yourself instead? This lifetrap stems
from childhood subjugation or from a parent who was
needy.

4)Unrelenting standards. Do you always strive for
unrealistically high standards, and never feel satisfied
with yourself or others? You were probably told as a
child that nothing you did was good enough and that
anything less than the best was failure.

5)Entitlement. Do you feel that you should have whatever
you want right now? Impatient adults who disregard others
were likely spoiled children who never learned self-
discipline.

6)Emotional deprivation. Do you feel that nobody truly
understands or loves you? This lifetrap affects people
whose parents gave them inadequate nurturance. As adults,
They tend to be attracted to others that only fulfill
their negative expectations.

7)Failure. Do you believe your achievements are
inadequate? This lifetrap develops in children who are
constantly told-often by their fathers-that they are
inferior and are tagged stupid, lazy, and untalented.
As adults, they tend to act in ways that make them fail,
and they cannot admit or identify their actual successes.

8)Abandonment. Are you constantly fearful that those
close to you will desert you-or die? These fears are a
response to loss or separation from a parent at an
early age or to an emotionally remote mother or father.
People caught in this lifetrap are drawn to partners
who are likely to abandon them, and their fear often
makes them cling so tight that they drive partners away.

9)Mistrust. Do you expect to be hurt or abused?
Mistrustful adults were often abused-physically,
sexually or psychologically-during childhood. As adults
they are drawn to abusive or untrustworthy partners,
and with good partners, they may themselves be angry
or abusive.

10)Dependence. Do you feel unable to handles everyday
events and problems without a lot of help? This
develops in those who were made to feel incompetent
whenever they tried to demonstrate independence during
childhood. As adults,they seek out strong figure to
rule their lives and shrink from showing any initiative.

11)Social exclusion. Do you feel different from other
people or ill at ease in group surroundings? As a
child, you may have felt rejected by others becasue of
some difference. As an adult, though you might feel
comfortable in intimate settings, you still may feel
uncomfortable in groups.

I would like to add lifestrap number twelve
12) 9-5 Job Mentality. Believing that your job is going to
be their for the rest of your life. Not recognizing that after
a few years you'll also become obsolete. Were you'll will be replace
be another younger, cheaper person or sent to another country. Yes!
It can happen too you, because its happening right now. To thousand
of people.

You can escape from the lifetrap. Negative patterns formed in children
can be changed, provided you make a conscious decision to confront your
problems. But you must first decide what positive life goals you are seeking.
When you identify your own needs and aspirations-not those forced on you
as a child-you will realize how the negative patterns locked in by your
lifetraps prevent you from fulfilling your goals. The you are ready to change.


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